you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
