the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.