when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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