The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now