Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?