hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need water and some morals