What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"