Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.