4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
