If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I will pee on everything he values.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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