Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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