i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
