I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
