I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
