you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
