nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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