Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
