I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
