So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
