I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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