We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
