careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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