The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
