love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
