By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
