whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
