So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
