dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
