I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
