I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
