I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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