Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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