Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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