Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
