i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
