I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
