I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
