I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
