I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
