i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
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She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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