I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
