I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
