I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
