at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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