The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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