and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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