If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
