its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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