i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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