She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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