Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sex in a hospital.. check
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
