it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
