If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
