stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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