I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize