Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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