Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
