Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
