Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
