There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
