Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
