i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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