He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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