the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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