You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
