Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
