Just cropdusted the office
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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