i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
