Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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