I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
