Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
