drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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