I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
