meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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